1. Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree. He said, "Red, I am going to fuck your brains out!" Little Red Riding Hood reached calmly into her picnic basket, and pulled out a .44 Magnum and said, "No you're not. You're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"

2. Snow White saw Pinnochio walking in the woods one day, so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face and screamed, "Lie to me! Tell me truth! Lie to me..."

3. Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderalla sat in the garden crying, her fairy godmother appeared and promised to giver her everything she needed, but on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphram, and second, you must be home by two AM. Any later, and your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin!" Cinderella agrees to be home by two. The appointed hour arrives, and no Cinderella. Finally, five AM arrives, and Cinderella shows up looking love-struck and VERY satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphram was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!" "I met a prince, fairy godmother. He took care of everything!" said Cinderella. "I know of no prince with such powers." said the fairy godmother. "What was his name?" Cinderella replied, "I can't quite remember... Peter Peter something or other..."

4. Mickey and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court. The judge says to Mickey, "You say your wife is crazy?" Mickey replied, "No, I didn't. I said she was fuckin' Goofy!"